Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
