I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She bit a glass in half.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
