do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
wow bdsm is so cute
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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