I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
