But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
