Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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