Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
