respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
