Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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