k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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