It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
