Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
