i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Sober January is a disaster.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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