you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
