I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
