I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
