How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm both gender and math confused
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
