Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
