Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
