this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
