I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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