he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize
