Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
The power of my boobs compel you
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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