I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
