Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
