Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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