i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
