I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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