you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
