I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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