If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
