I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
