and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
