Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
