you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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