ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
