she woke up with a sticky ear
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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