It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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