Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
