never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
