I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Boobs speak an international language.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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