Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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