Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
