PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
