I wanna bring you to show and tell
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
