If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
