the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
