SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
