There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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