Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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