It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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