So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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