Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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