Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
