Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
