Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
