anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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