we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
