it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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