I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
