from now on my penis is your penis
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
