I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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