sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
And the cops told us we were all naked.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
