dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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